If you follow this blog then this post might come as a bit of shock to you, although if you really do know me then it really might not.
Recently I have been having these urges to explore again, this need to try things and excitement thinking about new and unexplored experiences. These sorts of feelings have felt quite similar to how I felt when first exploring kink in general (although I am much older and wiser now….). Just like 4 or 5 years ago there is a overwhelming urge to act on them, but this time the feelings have been of the dominant nature.
Well thats the background to things out the way, now on to the juicy middle. During a weekend at Viv’s a few weeks ago I got to explore these dominant feelings and first things first I want to thank Vivienne for enabling me to do so and suggesting I try being Domme with her other sub Sammie. I also want to thank Sammie for letting someone with very limited experience at this take control!
So to start with Vivienne showed me where some of the things were kept and gave me a few ideas on what to do, I think she sensed the nerves and hesitation to begin with. She then said she would like to take pictures as we played but would not be get involved to see how it panned out. She also told me she thought I would be fine and she was confidence I knew what I was doing. At the point I will admit it was both exciting and slightly daunting.
Now I am used to being in a dungeon and I think I know what pretty much everything is used for, and have had a lot of things used on me, but this was the first time where I have stood in a dungeon with someone waiting for me to tell them what to do. It was the first time that it was completely my decision what to use, what to do and how to do it and I have to admit although there were nerves, I really enjoyed that feeling!
I started off with Sammie being in the very lucky position of being told to worship my feet for a while but I had already decided that it was mainly hitty things that I wanted to use. This was probably partly because as a sub I have a lot of experience with them. I understand how all of them feel and understand the difference between the ‘ouch but please don’t stop’,the ‘oh my fucking god that hurts please don’t do that again, ok maybe once more’ and the ‘I can’t take much more’ type of pain. I knew Sammie hadn’t done much pain play with Vivienne so I was very kind, to start with….. We played with a crop, a cane and a few other things, I had Sammie tied up in some very simple ways and had Sammie sucking on a few toys after hearing she liked things in her mouth. During all the pain play I kept Sammie counting the hits and giving me pain ratings out of 10 which I think worked well and was actually just as much for my benifit as it was for Sammie’s as it alouded me to quickly work out what was ‘soft’ what was ‘hard’ and what was ‘very hard’ (Vivienne later used a similar thing with me but to a far more extreme way, but have patience, we will get to that later).
I really did feel like I grew into the session as it went on and the confidence lacking at the start only increased throughout. At the beginning I found myself looking over to Viv after doing something, kind of hoping for approval that is was ok I guess. After about 5 or 10 mintues this stopped, I stopped thinking about if I was doing it right, what ever that means, and just started to enjoy it. After that the session went really quickly and I kinda of didn’t want it to stop, I know Viv enjoyed watching, I’m pretty saw Sammie enjoyed it and I sure as hell enjoyed it. Now I can’t wait to do it again, I think it has only made me more curious about wanting to try new things, and you know what, that is really very fucking exciting!
The next day though Vivienne decided to remind me of my place, and that place is very much happily submissive to Goddess Vivienne. This involved amongst other things, one hell of a caning! I am not going to go into any detail about what we did other than the caning itself and the fact that this was by far the most intense pain I have ever been able to take. Vivienne used the number game I played with Sammie the day before but with a twist, with Sammie I ended the session by saying when you have recieved one number 10 on the pain scale I will stop, with Vivienne we ended with 1 hit at 1, 2 at 2, 3 and 3 etc etc all the way up to 10 at 10.
If you have been reading this blog recently you will know this isn’t the first time Vivienne has pushed my limits and it excites me every time she does, I love that she is doing that. We are also getting to know each other more and more and it surprises me how well she can read me and work out what I am thinking. I am starting to be able to do the same with her now and there is a moment when Vivienne is giving out CP where she switches slightly, there is a slight change of expression and I really can see it in her eyes, its almost a more raw powerful energy she has. I know at that point she is really enjoying herself. It is that point that is my favourite time of any CP play we have done and its largely that stuble change and hightened enjoyment I sense from her that makes me want to carry on and allows me to take more. Saying that though I do still stuggle sometimes and find it difficult to really let go emotionally and as a submissive (but im learning). I really felt like I did do both of them this time thought and it felt great. It was exactly what I needed and reminded me that although these new dominant feelings are really exciting, being submissive to Vivienne tops the lot.
After the caning and when Vivienne had untied me, I was in tears, laying on the floor, hugging Vivienne’s leg with my head in her lap when she asked me two questions, both of which had the same reply.
‘To whom do you belong Jessica’
‘To you Goddess’
‘To whom do you belong *insert boy name*’
‘To you Goddess’
Through the tears a huge smile slowly spread across my face, I hadn’t been this happy for a long long time. I have never given myself to someone like that before and all I remember thinking was that I didn’t want to be anywhere else, I didnt want that moment to end.
JD x x